Life's Already Bit Me...

    It’s 3 am and I am finally packed and ready to go. No, that’s not quite right. I’m not ready exactly. More like prepared. I have my tickets printed and my passport packed. But if you called me right this second and told me I could stay, I would. Without a doubt.
    Please don’t misunderstand me. I am ecstatic to see my family and my friends. I know, because I’m being honest with myself, that I will cry when I see my father. I will also cry when I see my nephews. I miss each and every one of their loving smiles. I cannot wait for the big bear hug that I know I will get when I see my brother. I’m also so excited to see my sister and mother. I feel like this trip has helped me grow closer with the both of them, though I’ve been thousands of miles away.
    My friends, my many, many friends have no idea how much I learned about them and our relationship this semester. I have realized that I am blessed to have so many truly good friends. Best friends. And I cannot wait to see everyone!
    I guess the real reason for my reluctance to leave is the unknown. I do not know when I will back. I do not know when I will get to walk these streets and breathe in the beauty that is Granada. And that not knowing is truly breaking my heart.
    This city, it’s enchanting. That’s the best word I can use to describe it. As Jensen and I walked back to our apartment from our last night of tapas hopping with friends, we stopped by the cathedral to have one last look. And I was as in awe of it tonight as when I first arrived in Granada. In that moment, as I stood in front of one of the prettiest cathedrals I have ever seen, I realized what it is about this city that makes my heart race and beat slowly at the same time. It’s the magic here. I feel it everywhere. The Alhambra is a place of a thousand fairy tales, all of which a small part of myself knows to be true. The Albayzín is like teleporting to a different time and place. Everything here is covered in residue of the past. Residue of the lives that have touched it, and there is magic in that. And everyone that comes here is exposed. With enough exposure, it seeps into our bones and changes us. I know this to be true, because I have changed knowingly, gladly. And it was this city that made it possible, that helped me along.
    In these past four months, I have learned so many things about myself. I’ve learned to accept things I’ve been ashamed of and to forget things that are unimportant.  I’ve learned to face my fears head on. I’ve also learned to embrace the potential within myself, the potential that I have taken special care to hide from out of fear of failure. Those are just a few of the things I’ve learned from this city.
    In my time here, I was given the challenge to push myself. Not just to learn the Spanish language, but to truly push myself, to find out what I am made of. I am proud to say that I rose to the occasion. I will no longer doubt my capabilities as a student, as a woman, or as an adult, no matter how young I may be. I was tested here, in this great city, and found myself to be a self-sufficient, resourceful, woman. I have no regrets from my time spent in Granada and am proud of all I have done. This trip wasn’t about succeeding or failing. It was about learning. And I truly believe I have learned some of the most invaluable things a person can learn about life and about themselves. 
    One of the first posts I wrote, I titled “You can fall in love at first sight with a place as with a person.” I could not have picked a more accurate or true statement. Nothing will ever be able to replace Granada, my first home away from home, in my heart. So I say this now, a pledge to city that I owe so much. This is not a goodbye, it is a see you later. And until then, you will be missed, never forgotten, and always loved.
    I realize, after writing this, that it is time for me to move on. I have had the experience of a lifetime, I have learned invaluable things about life and myself and now it is time for me to put all of my knowledge to use. So, I guess I am ready after all. Let the next chapter begin....


Kaitlin Hope ♥

December 15th, A Heavy Heart

    Today is a special day. Today is the birthday of someone that I love very much. Today my Aunt Penny would have turned 50 had she not passed away this last August.  Today has been hard.
    She was so excited when she found out I was coming to Spain. I didn’t even get to tell her, my grandmother did. Yet, somehow people from home were calling me saying how excited they were for me to be going to Spain. When I asked how they knew, more people than not said, “You’re Aunt Penny cut my hair and all she did was talk about how proud of you she was! She didn’t even know I knew you at first!” I still laugh at that because there’s no telling how many people know I went to Spain this fall.
    My Aunt Penny was a handful. You will not find a person that knew her that will say she wasn’t wild. There are hundreds of Penny stories. I hope one day I’ll have friends that can talk about me as fondly as hers do of her. She wasn’t perfect but she was real. She wasn’t afraid of being herself. Ever. And that’s something I hope to learn from her, even though she’s gone.
    This will be our first holiday season without her and it is going to be so strange. Strange not to hear her cuss my sister for getting the good present in Dirty Santa. Strange not to hear her sing “Little Johny” to any of the kids that want to hear it. And maybe some that don’t. It’s going to be strange not hear her ask when we’re karaokeing or when I’m going to “get me a man.” It’ll be even more strange not to hear her say her token “men aren’t worth s**t” response when I say I haven’t found one worth dating yet. I could go on and on. But I won’t dwell on the sad parts. I’ll just cherish the time I had with her.
    As much as I love Spain, I am now ready to come home. I am ready to be with my family. I wish I could have been with them today. But as long as I’m here, I’m going to honor my aunt. I’m going to make as many memories as possible this weekend and I’ll think of her while I’m doing it. Actually, I’m sure she’ll be whispering in my ear, telling me to do things I probably shouldn’t! That’s what she did best : )
    For those of you who knew her, I miss her too. For those of you who didn’t, that’s a shame... You missed out.