My study abroad adviser at OU told me that I would experience some overwhelming feelings when I got here and that it may be on the first day and that it may be a week in. Everyone usually does. Well, mine hit me on day five. After attending my first class today, I am sitting in my apartment asking myself who on earth I thought I was when I thought I could come to Spain and speak Spanish and pass these classes. We didn't do anything hard, no homework. We just talked, and while I feel confident in my knowledge of the Spanish language when putting it on paper I feel like I may be mentally incapable of being able to hear it and fully understand and then respond. I know that it's a confidence issue more than anything, but being in a class full of people who know what they're saying and seem sure of their conversation skills while I feel flustered and incompetent does not help raise my confidence level.
I have never been afraid of doing well in a Spanish class at home. I love Spanish, I truly do, and at home it's my favorite class of the semester. I pride myself on doing well. But here, after testing into the high-intermediate (which is what I was supposed to be in), I'm wondering if my examiner shot me in the foot by placing me in that level or maybe I shot myself when I decided to come to Spain. Either way it's a lose-lose situation. On one hand, I can stay in the more advanced course and possibly do horrible, or I can go down a level and lose all chances of receiving the credit that I need to apply towards my minor. I feel so down about the entire situation, though I'm praying that after a few more days of class I'll start to feel more comfortable in the classroom setting. If you're the praying kind, please say one for me! Thanks.
Kaitlin Hope
Kaitlin, You did absolutely fine in class today! I think a lot of your stress is coming from not sleeping/not eating well. Take a looooooooooonnngg siesta and then I know you'll feel better about everything :)
ReplyDeleteDon't loose track of why you are there. Rest, eat sensibly and practice. You are not there for a vacation. You should be talking it every day in all your conversations. Get tough Oklahoma girl!!!!
ReplyDeletelove,
Mom
Yes, Mother, I am aware I'm not here for vacation. That would explain why I studied for until 4 in the morning for my placement exam while everyone else went out! But remember, I have to go do things to be around Spanish speakers in order to practice. Otherwise I'll only be talking to my English speaking friends all day. All of my advisers, American and Spanish, have told me that the only way to learn it is to be around native Spanish speakers!
ReplyDeleteYou underestimate yourself Kait. Like you mentioned, give it a few days and things will get better. You may have to work a little bit harder, but I know you can do it. You have never been one to back down from a challenge. And at the end of the semester when you're practically fluent, you'll be thinking "what was I so freaked out about?" Keep your head up, I'll be praying :)
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